Secondly, the only thing better than learning from your own mistakes is learning from someone else's. I'm giving you the opportunity to learn from mine so you don't have to learn from yours. Running might just be a fun hobby for us, but it can be an incredibly expensive, tedious, physically and emotionally demanding hobby.
The following quotes are actual things I wrote in my race report from the 2009 American River 50. For context, I had foolishly run a 50k the weekend before and was having issues with my legs very early on at American River. Like many people, I had traveled very far to do the race and spent a lot of money, and thus was hell bent on finishing. Six years later, the sheer stupidity of running back to back ultras blows my mind, as well as the misguided "ultra" mentality I used to finish the race.
"As we descended back down to the path my right quad muscle completely gave out.....For the next couple of miles I made a futile attempt at a run/walk method, but after a few steps I would have to stop.....I was able to grab 6 ibuprofen from a volunteer and quickly downed four of them.....To heck with the pain. I'm not here to limp around. I am here to run!.... .This wasn't about being a tough guy."
In retrospect, yes it was about being "tough", and I'd be lying to say that I didn't feel pretty "badass" for pushing through a strained quad to finish a 50 mile race. Then, when I shared the race report on Facebook a few days later, it was immediately flooded with likes and similar kudos for being so bad ass, tough, inspiring, and so on. Reading those only reaffirmed to myself that I was a tough SOB. However, among the cliched platitudes a comment from elite runner Annette Bednosky stood out. She was the only person who cautioned against running too many races and in particular continuing to run during a race when things quite clearly didn't seem okay. Six years later, I know for a fact she was right. I cringe at some of the things I did at that 2009 American River 50. I took 6 ibuprofen (dumb), I had pain in my quad and still ran 35 more miles (dumber), and I ran an ultra the weekend before and thought I could pull off a 50 miler seven days later (dumberer).
The sad thing is, even though I knew better, I continued to make poor decisions often misdirected by my overzealous love of running. From 2008 through 2009, it seemed like I had stretches of time where I ran an ultra or marathon every weekend for several months. I figured if you are lucky enough to find something you love to do, aka running, the more you do it, the more fun life will be. However, healthy moderation wasn't even an afterthought, and I lost a good degree of self control over how often I ran. There were a lot of bad races in there and a lot of wasted opportunities to do better with less. If I heard about a nearby 50k a friend was doing, I did it. If a friend invited me to run a marathon with them, I happily obliged. If there was a 30 mile training run or fat ass ultra, you're darn skippy I showed up to all of them. Ignorance was indeed bliss.
Running is a powerful drug and races are a wide open gateway. In my early years as a runner, the purpose and product of my running were very positive things. Running helped me lose weight after college, it made me healthier, and in general it helped me cope with normal everyday stress a little better. Then, I discovered ultras and learned a lot about myself by pushing through high physical barriers and deep mental places. I felt accomplished and proud of myself. If I could run 50 miles, surely it will make other challenges in life feel a little bit easier. But wait, if running 50 miles can make me feel accomplished, perhaps 100 will make me feel even more invincible. And it did, for a time.
But, soon you realize maybe it isn't enough. You need a bigger challenge, a bigger fish to catch. I became Captain Ahab in search of my great white whale. Now it had to be 100 miles in the mountains, maybe 135 miles across Death valley, or a 24 hour race. But, where does it stop? Could I run across the universe and still feel like it wasn't enough? 40 mile running weeks turn into 60, then 80, and soon I found myself doing well over 100 trying to emulate how the top runners in the country were training. I would freak out if I didn't run everyday, or if I didn't exactly get in the 20 mile long run on Saturday followed by the 15 on Sunday. Then, there would be additional stress if my pace was too slow for a particular workout, or didn't get in my runs, even while on vacation or at a work conference. The irony is a lot of the time while running my only thought was "why am I doing this?". I wasn't enjoying it, it wasn't helpful for training, and even if it was training, why was I training for yet another race? However, it was in those grinding, slow, irritating slogs that I finally conceded to a scary fact....I now hated running.
How did such a 180 degree turn happen so fast? How did something I looked forward to doing a few miles everyday become such a dreaded daily penance? How come I could feel accomplished and ecstatic running 3 miles a decade ago, and now I can run 50 and actually feel bummed out about how I ran? I asked myself a lot what was going on in my head as well as my body. Was I burnt out? Was I over trained? Under trained? Were my expectations hurting my enjoyment? Why was I stressing and training so hard to run a 100 miler, when I no longer felt the need to prove to myself I could do it?
Then it occurred to me. The reality was, it wasn't running I hated, it was the fact I completely lost sight of why I ran and why I had originally found it so fulfilling. It wasn't that the act running wasn't fulfilling enough, but I had become a different person who no longer required a certain kind of running, and more specifically extreme running, to feel accomplished and alive.
I had grown and evolved. It was that simple, and yet so hard to figure out.
And somehow, part of that evolution stemmed from the fact I have witnessed troubling things in the world of running, and not just ultrarunning. People are getting injured at alarming rates, but continuously running more and more races regardless. It seems that the power of the masses can be a powerful collective force to support you, but sometimes can't be the simple voice of reason when you need it. Sometimes it's the very friends around you that spur you onto another bad decision, albeit from their perspective they are simply cheering on a friend. And then, we as runners, want to achieve our own goals, and maybe even try to impress certain audiences, though it may be at the expense of our own health.
So, the big question you may be wondering. Do, I still enjoy running? The short answer is yes. But, I still give myself a few reminders from time to time to keep my brain and body in check. I hope sharing these little reminders can help others prevent a healthy fun hobby from becoming a potentially self destructive place of perpetual frustration.
1. Running races is a first world luxury.
- Not running a PR, not qualifying for Boston, or not getting into a certain race, are all petty first world problems.
- If any of the above things cause any kind of stress, maybe it's time for a reality check in what we should really be concerned about in life.
2. Running is not a fix, nor the answer to any of life's major problems. When your run is over, they will still be waiting for you.
3. Be balanced. Running should not consume your life unless you are a professional athlete. Take time to unplug from all things running from time to time. Eat some ice cream. It won't hurt you, but running too much might.
4. Celebrate the little things. But, be sure to take the time to discover what those little things are for you....and for others.
5. Actually train. Running an ultra or marathon every weekend, and then not running at all during the week, is not training. Plus, you don't want to become "that guy" who read Born to Run, bought a pair of Vibram Five Fingers, then decided "ease" into it with 80 miles per week and got three stress fractures a month later.
6. On the flip side, don't freak out about training. Most of us aren't getting paid to run, so if training is draining the life out of you, stop.
7. Actually rest. I know rest can be big scary four letter word for us runners, but it's important. We tend to think if we aren't running, we must be resting, so we justify 2 hours of cross fit and a 40 mile bike ride as a recovery day. No seriously, learn to physically rest, and if you can't sit still, go walk a few miles.
8. No finisher's award is worth getting injured for.
- This is especially true for "challenges" where you do X amount of races and then you get a special medal.
- Plus, after you post your medal photos online, who is going to see them? Probably less than the amount of people who will see you in that sexy leg brace the next three months.
9. Know the difference between pain and discomfort.
- Pain usually indicates an injury, in which case stop.
- Discomfort is a normal part of running, but can often become pain.
10. Don't be an enabler for bad decisions (be a rational voice)
- If your friend royally jacked up their leg at mile 45 of a 100 miler, please tell them to stop.
- If your under trained friend wants to become a Half Fanatic, or Marathon Maniac, maybe it's not a good idea to support their three half marathons in three days, or five marathons in five weeks, etc.
- If someone sprained their ankle and then walked 21 miles to finish a marathon, don't jump on the bandwagon to tell them how badass they are. Tell them it was dumb, and you might prolong their running life.
11. See the other side of running. Volunteer, crew, or pace. Being a participant is great, but you only see one vantage point of the sport.
Bonus thought: Care for yourself. You only get one body and mind. Love them. You're the only person who has to live in them and with them. You don't have anything to prove to anyone else and sometimes, you need to know you don't even need to prove something to yourself.
Run Happy my Friends!
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